First Broken Heart
Do you remember your first broken heart? I am not talking about a girl/guy thing. But the first time your heart broke?
Well, it a happened to Corey today. And we are both still crying.
I returned home from a long day at work and an even longer visit to the grocery store, to find a message on the answering machine that broke my son's heart.
At 12:55 today a message was left that stated that Corey's baseball team was chosen to be the "Dream Team" for the local Division A Pro Baseball team. This means that Corey's team would be introduced to the crowd and wait next to the dugout. As the announcer called off the Eugene Emerald's roster, the kids would run out to the base/position they played with the pro-ball player of the same position.
Here is the problem. The game was today. That's right TODAY. At 7:05 pm. I got the message at 7:00. Corey listened to the message with me. He knows what the dream team is and immediately looks at the clock. He knows that we missed it. My son's face turns white and he hides his face in the arm of the sofa. He sits silently for about a minute and then he begins to weep. His heart is broken.
I know for a fact that at least four people knew about this yesterday and did not call. If they had only called yesterday. If they had only called me at work today. The pain I feel for my son is agonizing. He has seen the Dream Team and commented that he wished his team could do that. Please let me point out that my son did not say that he wished HE could do that. But that his team could. Unselfishly dreaming as usual. Well I guess he got his wish. His TEAM did get to do it. But he didn't. He thought of his team, but they didn't think of him.
And there is nothing I can do to fix it. Nothing. Not a damn thing. I can not make this better or make it right. I think of how hard my son struggled to play baseball. How hard he worked to fit in with the rest of the team. How much he endured. He deserved to be there tonight. He deserved every moment of that. And he was cheated of it.
What makes it worse is that he was cheated by adults. His heart was needlessly broken by a coach he admired. How hard was it for him to pick up the phone as soon as he heard about it? The call we got was from another mom. Not the coach or the team mom.
I know I am sounding dramatic or as if I am over reacting, but if you were here to listen to my son weep for over twenty minutes, you would be upset too. It was the weep of a shattered heart. Do you remember that pain? Have you seen a child, your child, experience it? It is worst pain to watch him suffer through. Because there is no medicine to make it stop, no amount of consoling to numb it, there is nothing you can do. It is so deeply felt and strongly experienced. He doesn't know what to do with it. And all I could do was weep with him.
This experience is one of the worst in my life. My child's first broken heart. I would rather suffer a million of my own than to have him go through that. I think that is the worst pain I have felt as a mother yet. Turely. I hate today.
Well, it a happened to Corey today. And we are both still crying.
I returned home from a long day at work and an even longer visit to the grocery store, to find a message on the answering machine that broke my son's heart.
At 12:55 today a message was left that stated that Corey's baseball team was chosen to be the "Dream Team" for the local Division A Pro Baseball team. This means that Corey's team would be introduced to the crowd and wait next to the dugout. As the announcer called off the Eugene Emerald's roster, the kids would run out to the base/position they played with the pro-ball player of the same position.
Here is the problem. The game was today. That's right TODAY. At 7:05 pm. I got the message at 7:00. Corey listened to the message with me. He knows what the dream team is and immediately looks at the clock. He knows that we missed it. My son's face turns white and he hides his face in the arm of the sofa. He sits silently for about a minute and then he begins to weep. His heart is broken.
I know for a fact that at least four people knew about this yesterday and did not call. If they had only called yesterday. If they had only called me at work today. The pain I feel for my son is agonizing. He has seen the Dream Team and commented that he wished his team could do that. Please let me point out that my son did not say that he wished HE could do that. But that his team could. Unselfishly dreaming as usual. Well I guess he got his wish. His TEAM did get to do it. But he didn't. He thought of his team, but they didn't think of him.
And there is nothing I can do to fix it. Nothing. Not a damn thing. I can not make this better or make it right. I think of how hard my son struggled to play baseball. How hard he worked to fit in with the rest of the team. How much he endured. He deserved to be there tonight. He deserved every moment of that. And he was cheated of it.
What makes it worse is that he was cheated by adults. His heart was needlessly broken by a coach he admired. How hard was it for him to pick up the phone as soon as he heard about it? The call we got was from another mom. Not the coach or the team mom.
I know I am sounding dramatic or as if I am over reacting, but if you were here to listen to my son weep for over twenty minutes, you would be upset too. It was the weep of a shattered heart. Do you remember that pain? Have you seen a child, your child, experience it? It is worst pain to watch him suffer through. Because there is no medicine to make it stop, no amount of consoling to numb it, there is nothing you can do. It is so deeply felt and strongly experienced. He doesn't know what to do with it. And all I could do was weep with him.
This experience is one of the worst in my life. My child's first broken heart. I would rather suffer a million of my own than to have him go through that. I think that is the worst pain I have felt as a mother yet. Turely. I hate today.
posted by Cindy at 7:41 PM
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